sipping whiskey and listening to nina simone and wishing that i had decided to drive to georgia this morning. hanging out in this city with all these people who have known each other forever has been depressing of late- i'm so out of place, i can't keep up, all i have to offer is this pathetic sob story that is you.

i started drawing a little comic strip of us- what happened. how did it start? why did it continue? the narrative is so bold- travelling in bands, going to mexico, hurricane katrina. perhaps what i am mourning the most is the story. we had such a good story.

2008 has been a rough year. deaths, accidents, deaths, break-ups, no money, no time, frustrations, questions. as a child i thought that once you were "grown up" you had it all somehow magically figured out- but now i'm realizing that there is no map, and there are many many streets and alleys and buses out of town. should i stay? should i move across the country yet again and throw away all my friendships once more and forget all of these things? i've been feeling like i'm waking up these days- like this past year was just some strange dream, that none of this happened, my god it was all so boring- but now the question is, what am i going to do? i no longer have to answer to anyone. scary thought, scary thoughts.

i seriously reccommend that no one ever ever ever get invovled in some complicated long distance relationship. the reality never squares with the dreams, and the tension between is just too strong to navigate, and you might find yourself shipwrecked somewhere you weren't meant to be.

things that you said that i don't want to forget:

i know i've been stupid.

i know i fucked up.

i'm depressed a lot of the time, and what i'm depressed about most is how our relationship went bad.




what you didn't say:

i miss you, i love you, i'm sorry.