i think i have to get out of politics. which is pathetic, considering i really just go into politics, and really, if i stick it out my resume would look great and i might get good "contacts"- but for what? the political landscape of this city? perhaps if i felt that i was going to live here for an extended time period i would tough it out, muscle through, swallow whatever tiny bit of pride and dignity i have and just. deal. with. it. and not to say that i haven't worked with good candidates and great people. i have. i just don't believe in it. and now that im poised to get thrown into much bigger races with much bigger candidates whom, really, i am against for various reasons, i don't think i can play along anymore. i understand the idea of the lesser evil, and supporting those candidates who have a chance of defeating the truly odious ones, but really, fuck it. i'm supposed to be young and idealistic right now, which is pathetic considering how jagged and jaded i feel these days. i'm turning into that horrible person who is anti everything for some reason, against the system and against the revolution.

was out drinking last night down in the cbd. it was a book release party, but for an indie book about life after the storm, so the place was chock full of overly self-conscious young white kids trying to play some unrecognizable part. and they all looked the same.

wondered how much it would cost, really, to hire a hitman in this city. not to do it, but just out of curiousity after hearing about a pair of hitmen in the seventh ward who collectively were responsible for over 30 murders. talking with a friend about really, what do people do for a living here? the cost of living is so high, and the wages so low, and decent jobs so scarce.

the whole city feels like a twisted social experiment.