been unsure of late about all these decisions im making. the future, you know, and what to do, whether to stay in this rotting, decaying, violent city, whether to leave and start over somewhere else again, whether to take on a lot of debt and go to a fancy school, whether i want to work in community development anymore, why i am always so unsure about where im supposed to be and what im supposed to be doing and what im allowed to say about what.

ive been quite productive over the past months- makin jam, knitting presents, reading books, being altogether in a good mood most of the time and happy where i am with my life. but there's always that question of what next? i can't do this forever.